Shame

Here I am.

The reflections that I receive.

That I am still a girl.
That I can't receive love.

For the most part, these are judgments that I already fester in my thoughts; it is a fear; it perpetuates in my shame, and as I allow it to continue to sit in shame, I become it.

I want to receive love.
I want to receive love in a way that I can love myself and heal through the sewage of feeling undeserving, unworthy, unlovable.
I want to receive love.

I AM
a woman.

I RECEIVE
reflections.

Because -
I LOVE, and I RECEIVE Love.

I can, I do.

I AM
beautiful.

I AM
extraordinarily lucky
to be here
in this time, this space,
making change,
having self revelations,
being in the company of people
who loves me
and holds me in high regard
that I have for myself.

I am whole.
I am healed.
I am love.
I am pain.
They are the same.
They are not extraordinary,
because even though they are mine,
they are also yours.

I don't need to remember this.

I WANT TO KNOW THIS.

I AM ALL.
And -
I AM NOTHING.

I freeze so I can defend.
I open so I can receive.
I close so I can defend.
I open so I can love.

And I believe
that without love,
my life will contain
very little meaning.

And I am committed
to Love -

especially

for myself.

So please,
I want to love ME.

Please, Cindy,
please, PLEASE,
be gentle with me,
love me,
allow me to be
the beautiful, radiant
woman
that
I
Know
that
I
AM.